he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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