we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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