i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
