I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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