you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
