Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
