Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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