Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
