yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
