none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
