Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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