I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
