he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
