i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize