And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
