She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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