Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
