i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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