Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
