the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
