Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
