rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
