brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
