He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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