he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
