went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm both gender and math confused
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
