And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
