I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
