Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
