im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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