This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
