i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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