AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
