I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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