Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
