that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
