dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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