bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
