I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
