my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
