I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
