The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
