Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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