I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
