Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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