I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
