we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she peed on how many people?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
