If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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