I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
