ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
