your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
